A certain young man finally won a date with the blonde female of somewhat questionable morals that lived in his apartment complex. To prepare for his  big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself.  Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
   Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade". But the young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young
man  treated her to a homecooked dinner, after which they went into the living room  to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however,  wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his  johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Blonde: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
B: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.
P: "Uh ... How's that working?"
B. "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
P. "And why do you think that is?"
B. "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps
changing."

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in
spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was
not.
I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"
She replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."

A blonde is visiting Washington, DC. This is her first time to the city, so she wants to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she can't find it, so she asks a police officer for directions.
"Excuse me, officer," the blonde says, "how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer says, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there."
The blonde thanks the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer comes back to the same area, and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer gets out of his car and says, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
The blonde says, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!"

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap,so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa."  Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she  is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and,  figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the  moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a  hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the  Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail.
After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"  Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar  fell out.
She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar  fell out and she put it in her pocket.
She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.
A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her, he
said "Excuse me Miss?  What are you doing?"
She said, "Duh! I'm winning here!"

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blond said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit  them.

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up!  It's starting to rain and the top is down."
 

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.  Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"
 

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second.  The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

SHE WAS SO BLONDE

* she sent me a fax with a stamp on it
* she thought a quarterback was a refund
* she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order
* she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats
* under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics"
* she tried to drown a fish
* she tripped over a cordless phone
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate"
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind
* she got stabbed in a shoot-out
* she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK"
* they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade
* she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
* at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius"
* if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless
* she studied for a blood test - and failed
* when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
* she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill
* when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
* she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
* if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back
* they had to burn down the school to get her out of  third grade
* she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
* it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
* she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train
* she sold the car for gas money
* when she saw "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16  friends
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice (At least she can add)

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to sometracks. The first blonde said "These look like deer tracks," and
the other one said, "No, they look like moose tracks." They argued
and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit
them.
 

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.  Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! they spelled MACYS wrong.

Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
 
A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded
woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first, the redhead second.  The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."