With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today's society....

DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little accidents."

COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store's return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Expecially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people.Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into "specialprosecutors."

LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.

If a man overdoses on Viagra, how do they get the casket lid shut?

If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines beforeapproving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use? A growth chart?

I dropped a Viagra in a jar of small sweet pickles lastnight and this morning had a jar full of big Kosher dills.

If I give my computer monitor Viagra, will the screen get bigger?

I would only take Viagra for intellectual purposes,so my head would swell.

Before Viagra, for some people, making love was classified as "assault with a dead weapon."

Viagra Falls, the new waterfall that flows upward.

Viagra, medicine's version of "MIRACLE-GRO."

Mix Viagra and Prozac and you have a guy who is ready to go,but doesn't really care where.

Are you taking Viagra or are you just happy to see me?

If however you do need to take Viagra, remember to swallow them quickly otherwise you'll get a stiff neck.

A shipment of Viagra was highjacked today. Police have put out an All-Points bulletin: Be on the lookout for two hardened criminals!

They will face a stiff sentence when convicted and they'll surely be sent to a Penal Institution.

Did you hear about Levi's new jeans for Baby Boomer men?.... They comewith just a "Viagra" more room.

For women not-in-the-mood, California bars now have Viagra-free zones.

Scientists developed the idea for Viagra after studying President Clinton's DNA.

WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) -- Viagra, the new pill for impotence approved by the Food and Drug Administration on Friday, is already causing problems across the country. The FDA had said a man would need to by sexually aroused before the drug would work, but apparently failed to consider that most men walk around in a constant state of sexual arousal. Several disasters or near-disasters have already beenreported:

* In Boise, a passenger plane skidded off the runway after the pilot's erection inadvertently hit the button that causes the landing gear to retract.

* In San Bernardino County, outside of Los Angeles, a 17-car pileup occurred when trucker Dirk Diggler apparently lost control of his rig, blocking his vision and causing him to also lose control of his truck.

FDA Spokesperson Bonnie Thurston commented, "There's no limit to the damage that this pill could cause. We've got to make sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands, like President Clinton's, for example, of we could have a potential nuclear mistake."

Top Ten Slogans Currently Being Considered by Viagra:

10. "Viagra. The quicker dicker upper"9. "One-a-day, like iron"8. "Get a piece of the rock"7. "You've come a long way, baby"6. "Viagra, it plumps when you take 'em"5. "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman4. "Tastes great, more filling"3. "Viagra, built ram tough"2. "Here's the beef!"

and the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:

1. Just do her.

Some honorable mentions:

"We work harder, so you don't have to""Ten inches long... and growing.""Viagra, when it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight""Viagra, home of the whopper""Viagra, Now is a great time to be silver"

Adverse drug interaction report

Q. What happens if you get the Viagra pill stuck in your throat?A. You get a stiff neck.

Q. What do you get when you mix viagra with rogaine?A. Don King.

1) I am a Rock - Paul Simon

2) Suddenly - B. Ocean

3) A Hard Days Night - The Beatles

4) Please Mr. Postman

5) Can't Buy Me Love (Now you can) - The Beatles

6) Do That To Me One More Time - Captain and Tenille

7) Everlasting Love - The Bee Gees

8) Take Me Out To The Ballgame

9) Let Your Love Flow - L. E. Williams

10) A Had Days Night - The Beatles

11) Longer - Dan Fogelberg

12) No Ordinary Love - Sade

13) Help Me Make It Through the Night

14) Love Takes Time (about an hour wait - according to Pfizer) - Mariah Carey

15) The Power of Love - Celine Dion

16) The Things We Do For Love - 10CC

17) We've Only Just Begun - Paul Williams

18) Have You Never Been Mello - Kris Kristofferson

19) Girls Just Want To Have Fun - Cindy Lauper

20) When I'm 64 - The Beatles

Viagra Diary...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Dear Diary:

Day 1 Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much tocelebrate. When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he lockedhimself in the bathroom andcried. Wussy.

Day 2 Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, hesays, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell mesomething I don't know!I mean, gimme a break. He's been dysfunctional for so long that he evenwalks with alimp.

Day 3 This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.

Day 4 A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his 'problem.' It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. He said, 'this time, I'd rather not have your mother join us.' I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.

Day 7 This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. Get over yourself! Not everything is about you! But, I have
to admit ....

Day 8 I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. Sore as hell

Day 10 Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with hard cider! The photo of Janet Reno isn't working. What am I gonna do? I feel tacky all over....

Day 11 The side effects are starting to get to him. Everything is turning blue. The other day, we were watching Kenneth Branaugh in Hamlet and he thought it was "The Smurfs Do Denmark." Even my armpits hurt. He's a nasty man.

Day 12 OK, I'm basically being drilled to death. It's like going out with a Black and Decker power tool. I woke up this morning hot-glued to
the bed ...

Day 13 I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and I keep saying 'fabulous,' and still he keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous ...

Day 14 Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels. Every time I shut my >eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. Let's hope he's not like ex-President Bush and takes 100 days to pull out I can hardly walk and if tries that "Oops, sorry" butt-thing again, I'm gonna kill him.

Day 15 I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a nun. Now he tells me "Sister Wendy" makes "Father Woody" want to bark like a dog. Help me.

Day 16 I think I will have to kill him. Then he'll go out the way he wants to... stiff. With my luck, I won't be able to close the casket. I'm starting to adhere to everything I sit on. The cats are afraid of him and the neighbors no longer come over. Last night I told him to screw himself ... he did. He must die.