On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined
for me...
A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had
turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second,
Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady
mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss?
Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter.... Of course,
it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the
hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.
On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me.... On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't. Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3' curly tail in slightly less than two seconds by tugging at it with a pair of tweezers.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my kitten scratched for me... The kid
across the street who collects for charity. It was an accident. She merely
wanted to reach out and touch someone. Unfortunately, she used a unsheathed
claw to do so. I settled out-of-court for the cost of a jacket to replace
the boy's blood stained one and a hefty donation to the charity of their
choice. Although the amount must remain secret according to our settlement,
let me put it this way. You haven't seen many soldiers for the Salvation
Army this year, have you? Think: Major Windfall!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my kitten opened for me...
On the seventh day of Christmas, my kitten lost for me... The earrings
I bought for my sister Mary. Actually, it was one earring but since Mary
doesn't have a hole in her nose or navel, a pair of matching earrings does
make a more appealing gift. Sale price: $29.95 plus tax.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my kitten helped me... Replace my E
and G guitar strings. Would you believe a kitten could fit into the itty-bitty
hole in the middle of my Yamaha guitar? Neither could I, but Sara thought
so. And she succeeded once she got those rascally strings out of the way.
Unfortunately, her little rear end couldn't get out the way it came in.
After paying through the whiskers for her previous escapades, I would have
been willing to leave her in the guitar for the duration of the holiday
season, except that she chose to get stuck two hours before I was due at
the nursing home for our annual Christmas carol sing-a-long. Set of steel
guitar strings: $12.95; jar of petroleum jelly: 79 cents.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my kitten destroyed for me... My Christmas
card list when she walked across my computer's delete key. Cost for call
to Computer Country's 900/help line: $17.50. And I still don't know what
happened to the listings of B through H.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my kitten hid from me..... The remote
control from my 13-inch TV. This wouldn't be such a disaster if she hadn't
previously stolen the power knob. I missed a week's worth of Christmas
specials, including my all-time favorite, "It's a Wonderful Life." Rental
of "It's a Wonderful Life": $2; purchase of book, "Good owners, great cats":
$24.95. Unfortunately, it never mentions the psychological profile of kittens
with kleptomania.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my kitten ate for me..... The drumsticks
off my 19-pound turkey. OK,OK, So this one time it was my fault. I knew
I never should have uttered those now infamous words: "Your first turkey,
Sara. Want to try just a little piece?" Cost: Christmas Dinner.
On the 12th day of Christmas........ Sara rested. And so, thank goodness,
did my VISA card.
by Cathleen Twomey
Cats' Top Ten Favorite Christmas
Songs:
10. Up on the Mousetop
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
8. Joy to the Curled
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
6. The First Meow
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
4. Silent Mice
3. Fluffy, the Snowman
2. Jingle Balls
1. Wreck the Halls!